No retreating
by Jancys-Blue-Bayou
Summary: "Nancy?" "Yeah?" He says her name so softly. She quietly answers as she looks up from his hand but don't move her fingers from where they're gracing his. Then he leans in and suddenly his soft lips are pressed against hers. She tightens her grip of his hand and melts into him. "Sorry…" For some reason he apologizes when their lips finally breaks apart. She can't fathom why when
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay so I didn't have anything planned for the first day of Jancy fic week, couldn't think of any take on the theme "Firsts" I hadn't already done so I kind of shoehorn this in here, "Firsts" isn't really the theme of the fic but it has a bunch of firsts in it at least. It's based on an AU idea I've had forever where Steve doesn't have his heel-face turn during s1 (which was hastily written in when the Duffers realized they liked Joe so much they wanted to keep him around) where he abruptly stops being a jerkass and goes to the Byers house in 1x08 to apologize. So he doesn't interrupt Jonathan and Nancy's moment on the couch, and they fight the Demogorgon alone, and their relationship develops differently than canon. It's also inspired by the "I waited" "For like a month" lines in s2 and a thought on what had happened if Nancy hadn't waited. Oh and also for a small part in it, the comic book that detailed Will's time in the Upside Down which revealed that he helped Jonathan save Nancy in the woods by the distracting the Demogorgon. I might continue this with more chapters of canon divergence.

* * *

"Nancy?"

"Yeah?"

He says her name so softly. She quietly answers as she looks up from his hand but don't move her fingers from where they're gracing his. Then he leans in and suddenly his soft lips are pressed against hers. She tightens her grip of his hand and melts into him.

"Sorry…"

For some reason he apologizes when their lips finally breaks apart. She can't fathom why when he after a week full of horror and grief and despair has just kissed her in a way that lets her know that there still is some good left in this world even when Barb is dead and monsters are real and boys will spy on you and call you a slut to the whole town.

"Don't be sorry," she tells him and leans in again for another kiss. It's just as soft as the first one. Their first kiss. She knows she'll never forget her first or second kiss with Jonathan Byers.

"Woah…" he says the next time they break apart. His hand holds her firmer now, she notices.

"That was nice…" is all she can think to say.

"Yeah…"

"Jonathan I…" she pauses, considering her words. How do you tell someone that, despite all the hell that this week has been for her, she doesn't think it has been completely 100 % horrible because at least she's spent it getting to know him, for real, and that when this is all over, if they're still alive after tonight, she'd like to keep spending all her time with him?

Then the lights flicker and they both jolt and stands up and grab their weapons. It's time.

It's chaotic and intense and she can't quite believe it but their plan works. They wait for the monster with their backs against each other to cover every angle. When it bursts through the ceiling she kind of panics and instinctively starts to fire her gun at it. It does nothing except get it's attention even more. Jonathan has the presence of mind to grab her and pull her away with him and they run down the hall with the monster behind them, avoid the bear trap and into Will's room. They hear it outside and then the yo-yo moves and there's a roar as it gets caught in the trap. Jonathan is lightning fast to open the door and toss the lighter, igniting the monster. They watch in horror as it shrieks while burning. When the flames threaten to engulf the walls and roof Jonathan gets out the fire extinguisher. When the smoke clears the monster is gone, only bloody flesh remaining in the trap. It must be dead, right?

Then the lights turn on one by one and they follow them out to the porch. And Jonathan somehow knows it's his mom.

* * *

Three weeks. It's been three weeks since the worst and craziest week of her life. The week that irrevocably changed her life forever. She dragged Barb to a party and while she was laying on Steve Harrington's bed telling herself that this is who she is while Steve and his wet jeans pressed against her Barb was grabbed and killed by a monster. She learned that monsters and other dimensions exists. She learned that Steve was the kind of guy who was jealous and possessive and who'd spy on her and slutshame her to the whole town because she had another boy in her room. She learned that her little brother found a superhero girl in the woods and then got to see him heartbroken when she disappeared.

But most of all she learnt about Jonathan Byers and about herself. She learnt that Jonathan wasn't the creep everyone said he was. Yes he'd stepped way over her boundaries when he took pictures of her. But he had sincerely apologized, looked more ashamed than she's ever seen anyone look, and never did anything like it again. Instead always respecting her boundaries. And saving her life. She learnt that Jonathan was insanely brave, and strong, and cunning and smart. That he loved his family more than anything in the world and would do anything for them. And she learnt that he was funny and kind and weirdly cute.

About herself she learned that maybe she was brave too. Maybe to a fault, there's a thin line between brave and stupid and in hindsight crawling through the tree portal without thinking it through was the latter. But she also learned that she was smart in more ways than just 'book smart' which she'd always been told she was, that she also was cunning and quick on her feet and could devise plans to catch monsters. And she learned that she was good with a gun. She also learned that she got butterflies in her stomach when Jonathan looked at her and smiled his crooked smile she'd never seen before, that she liked the way he smelled and that she'd never felt safer than when she was in his arms. And she learned that his kisses made her feel like everything was alright with the world even when it was not.

And she liked her new self. That's what it felt like, that she had discovered a new self. Or maybe just unlocked what was always there. She liked knowing she was brave and tough, that she was both the kind of girl who would slap a guy who called her a slut to the whole town and the kind of girl who could fight a monster.

But the three weeks since then she's felt like she's stuck in limbo. That week she at least felt alive. She hasn't felt that since. Barb is dead. The crushing weight of that, and of knowing that but not being able to tell even Barb's parents, paralyzed her. She didn't feel like getting out of bed even, but forced herself to get up, to drag herself to school. Where no one would shut up. About how creepy Byers little brother got lost in the woods. About how Barb ran away. About how she is a slut with a thing for perverts.

And she can't stop thinking about Jonathan Byers or his kisses. And all those other things she learned about him and her that week.

The new Nancy wants to be with Jonathan. That's what she's arrived at now. Amidst all the grief and despair, she can't stop thinking about him. When she's crying herself to sleep over Barb she wishes she was back in his arms because that felt so good when she was crying after he saved her from the Upside Down. And she's felt lonelier than she's ever been during these three weeks, and the one moment she didn't feel alone was when during Jonathan's first day back in school she went to him to say hey and see how he was doing and he said he was alright and asked how she was. She'd lied then, said she was "okay after all" when she's really anything but, but still for a moment he looked up from staring at his shoes and their eyes locked and she felt like they both knew that… they had each other at least.

Ever since that day she's wished Jonathan would come up to her by her locker or maybe come to her house and ask what she was doing that day, if they could go somewhere just the two of them and talk and stuff. But he hasn't. He keeps his distance at school. She can't really blame him, the events of that week put a lot of attention on Jonathan and her, and Jonathan hates attention. She suspects he thinks she doesn't want to be seen with him at school, considering all the gossip after what Steve did. Maybe he thinks she doesn't want anything to do with him outside of that week. In spite of the life altering kisses. And he hasn't come by her house, he goes straight home or to work after the final bell. Which she understands. Plus, the reason he'd come by her house before was to drop Will off or pick him up but Will hasn't been over yet after everything. She knows he got home from the hospital just last week and hasn't been back to school yet.

So Jonathan is dealing with a lot. And either way he's shy. She's come to realize that maybe she needs to do it. Take the first step. Tell him all the things she was going to tell him that night before the lights flickered. She thinks that if she's so brave and tough she shouldn't retreat from this, her feelings, any less than the monster she stood up to. So she borrows her mom's station wagon and drives to the outskirts of town.

"Nancy, sweetie!"

It's Joyce who opens the door. For a second she's not sure what to say, she had spent the whole car ride over going over in her head what she'd say to Jonathan she never thought about what to say to Joyce and whether this is even a good time, for gods sake Will almost died and they have a lot to deal with maybe they want privacy to deal with more important things than the fact that she wants to kiss Jonathan again and tell him she can't stop thinking about him.

"Hey, how are you? I hope this isn't a bad time…"

"No, not at all come on in, I'm good, how are you?" Joyce seems to be in a good mood and ushers her inside.

"You sure? I don't want to impose…"

"Sweetie you're not, how have you been? I never got a chance to thank you for everything you did."

"Oh, no need to thank me um… I'm good, I just came by to… um, is Jonathan home?"

"Oh yes, he's in his room, let me take your coat, you can just go right in he's going to be so happy to see you!"

Joyce takes her coat and smiles at her as she walks down the hallway she hasn't been in since she and Jonathan trapped a monster in a bear trap and set fire to it there. It looks much better now, the whole house does and she realizes how much work Jonathan must've put into put it back in order and she thinks she should've thought of that and been considerate enough to offer to help. It also hits her that she hasn't been in Jonathan's room before but in Will's, which is kind of weird. She knows which one is his though, and she can hear music and two voices coming from inside of it when she stops by the door and knocks.

"Yeah?" Jonathan's voice coming from inside makes her both excited and nervous. She takes a deep breath and opens the door.

Will is sitting next to Jonathan on the bed and they both look surprised to see her.

"Nancy!" Jonathan quickly stands up and pauses the music and runs a hand through his hair all at once. He looks a bit caught out and his gaze wanders nervously around his room before returning to her. She's not sure why, his room looks… nice. Much tidier than she imagined it, in her limited experience boys bedrooms tend to be messy.

"Hey… I hope this isn't a bad time, your mom let me in…"

"No, no I just… hi."

"Hi," she smiles. "Hey Will, how are you feeling?" She turns to the boy on the bed.

"Hey Nancy. I'm better. I can go to school tomorrow," he smiles.

"That's great," she smiles and understands why Joyce was in such a good mood. "Mike's gonna be so happy."

Will smiles and excuses himself, on his way out turning to Jonathan and shooting him a look that she can't see but which makes Jonathan's cheeks flush and his eyes drop to the floor. Chester gets up off the bed and follows Will out the door, stopping briefly to be petted by her.

"So um, hey…"

"Hey," she says again. "So um, I just wanted to come by to um… see you again… um, how you were doing… and all."

"Oh! I'm good… I'm alright, how are you?"

"I'm okay. But… can we talk?"

"Yeah, yeah sure of course um can I get you anything do you want something to drink or…?"

"No, thanks I'm good. Can I sit down?"

"Of course, yes, sorry about the mess."

"What mess, your room's tidier than mine," she smiles as she sits down on his bed.

"Oh, right no I don't know why I said that," he hurriedly gets out. He's still standing, looking like she's an alien not a girl sitting on his bed. She realizes Jonathan Byers probably never has had a girl sit on his bed before and maybe that's why he's nervous. She's puzzled by how someone can be so nervous and yet so brave as he is. Not only in hunting monsters with her but also in that he had the courage to kiss her first that night.

"Can you sit down too?"

"Oh right, sorry," he excuses himself and quickly sits down on the bed again.

"It's alright. Um so I… wanted to talk to you about um…" she's not sure where to start. She can't just dive right in can she? She should check in with him first. "Well how have you been, like really? It must've been… a lot… after everything…"

"Oh yeah um… yeah it's been… a lot but it's better now. Um, Will's better which is the most important thing."

"Of course, I'm glad."

"And mom's doing better now that Will is too… the first week really was the worst. All the doctors and the government spooks making us sign stuff… at least Hopper was there and helped us out… we got some money, like hush money I guess… felt weird getting it but we needed it… used a lot to fix the house."

"Yeah, wow. We had to sign stuff too, the feds creeped me out. Mike wanted to fight them pretty much. But hey, the house looks great. Sorry I didn't come by earlier, I should've thought about it… could've helped out, it must've been a lot of work."

"Oh no you didn't have to it's okay. It didn't take too long really, Hopper helped me out with that too."

"That's nice of him. Still, sorry I didn't."

"You didn't have to, it's alright."

"Okay."

There's a little lull in the conversation as she thinks about what to say next. She glances down at his hands that's resting over his knees.

"How's your hand?" She asks.

"Oh, it's okay," he says and flips it over to show the scarred palm. The large cut matches her own pretty closely. "How's yours?"

"It's okay," she parrots and shows off hers. Without thinking she reaches out and takes his left hand in her right and holds it closer to her left and studies the scars. She hears his breath hitch. "Mine's bigger," she can't help but note with a smirk.

"Congratulations," he replies and she looks up to see that crooked smile she's missed so much. She smiles back at him and doesn't let go of his hand.

"I've missed you," she tells him.

"I've missed you too," he answers. "I was gonna um… I don't know but um… I've been busy and um… sorry…"

"It's okay. I know. I understand, you've had a lot on your plate, with Will and your mom and work and the house… I should've come over sooner."

"It's alright… how are you doing then, really?"

"Um…" The way he softly asks the question and looks at her makes all her walls tumble down and she just lets it out. "Not good. Barb's dead and no one knows, not even her parents, and I miss her so much and I can't sleep because I just keep seeing… her or that thing, that monster, in my dreams… and Mike is depressed and my parents are clueless, and everyone at school except you are horrible and I hate them and I feel so alone and I miss you so much like, so much, I can't stop thinking about you and…"

She quiets when Jonathan pulls her into his arms and hugs her. She wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his neck and breathes him in and just like the last time she feels safe. She's missed this so much. She can't be without this.

"I've missed you so much too. And I haven't stopped thinking about you either. I wish I'd talked to you at school or something but I was scared to, I didn't want to… I didn't know if you wanted to… be seen with me after everything and um… sorry."

"It's okay."

"And… you're not alone… um, I'm… I'm here," he tells her. She pulls herself in even closer at that. "I got you, I got you," he repeats the same words he did that night he saved her life in the woods and she feels like she needed to hear them just as badly now.

"Thank you."

"And I'm so sorry about Barb. If there's anything I can do to help you… I will."

"Thank you."

She pulls back a bit, so she's able to look at him but she doesn't let go of him and he doesn't let go of her which she's thankful for. She wipes away some tears.

"It's okay," he tells her.

"It is when I'm with you," she tells him. He smiles softly at that. "You remember that night, on the couch… when we waited for the monster?" She asks though it's a stupid question, of course he remembers.

"Of course… um… I haven't stopped thinking about that…" he nervously admits.

"About kissing me?" She asks.

"Yes," he confirms and blushes.

"Me neither," she lets him know. "And um, there was something I wanted to tell you, that night, before the lights started blinking…"

"I remember…"

"So um… I wanted to tell you now…"

"Okay…"

"And what I want to tell you is that um… even though that week was like the worst week ever and it was absolute hell and Will almost died and Barb did I… I don't think it was all totally 100 % bad because… I spent it with you, and I got to get to know you… and I got to kiss you… um, and I was going to say that if we made it out alive that I'd like to keep spending my time with you, after that. Um. And I'd want to kiss you more and…"

He does it again. He kisses her again and his lips are just as soft as the first time and she melts into it just like the first time. She holds him closer this time though, and he sort of pulls her into his lap and they don't break apart for more than a split second to quickly take a breath before locking lips again.

"Wow…" she eventually gets out when they do take a break, her forehead resting against his.

"I wanted to tell you all those things too but I was too shy to…" he tells her.

"It's alright… kissing me was a good move too," she smiles. He chuckles.

"But um… so…"

"So…"

"Do you want to um… go out, sometime?" He asks her, seeming unsure of his words again somehow.

"Yes, I'd want to go out many times with you… because I want to be your girlfriend, Jonathan," she tells him. "I mean, if you want to be my boyfriend?" She quickly tacks on.

"Y-yes!" He hurriedly answers. "I don't know what I'm doing but…"

"Me either, and I think you're doing good…"

"Okay…"

She leans in and kisses him again. He eagerly responds to it, deepens it even. Then there's a knock on the door and before they can react it swings open and suddenly Joyce is standing there. She and Jonathan spring apart like they've just been burnt.

"Oh! Sorry! So sorry, I'm so sorry! I was just gonna ask if Nancy wanted to stay for dinner, I'm sorry!" Joyce hurries to apologize.

"Mom!" Jonathan calls out, cheeks completely crimson just like she figures hers must be.

"Sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have barged right in I didn't know you'd be… um, sorry!"

She tries to stifle a giggle, and she would've managed it but then Will appears in the doorway.

"Ew, they were kissing weren't they?" He says with all the disgust only a 12 year old boy can have in his voice.

And that does her in. She can't help it, she's mortified too about getting caught by Jonathan's mother, but something about it and Will's typical pre-teen boy reaction makes her giggle too. Maybe it's just nervous laughter.

"Sorry, sorry but it's okay," she gets out when she feels everyone look at her as she giggles while staring down at Jonathan's comforter.

"I'm still sorry I… interrupted. But um… is this… new… or…?" Joyce asks.

"Um… kind of um…" she searches for the right words and looks to Jonathan. He meets her gaze and it's like they can speak without saying anything. She nods and he takes her hand and turns to his mom.

"Yes it's kind of new um, Nancy is… my girlfriend."

Jonathan blushes again saying those words, the words that sends butterflies to her stomach. She's Jonathan Byers girlfriend and really excited about it. Someone else is too.

"Oh that's wonderful," Joyce clasps her hands together and looks so happy. "I'm so happy for you two, you know I wonder if something was… oh this is so great! You'll stay for dinner sweetie, right?"

"I'd love to, if it's not too much trouble…" she answers, standing up.

"Oh it's no trouble at all, we're so happy to have you," Joyce comes over and hugs her.

"So does your parents know?" Joyce asks her over dinner.

"No, you're the first to know um… it's really new…"

"Like today new?" Will asks.

"Um… kind of um… we… so much has been going on we need some time to… figure stuff out and… yeah, but it kind of started um, during… that week, uh… you know," she awkwardly answers, wary of how sensitive a topic that is with Will and Joyce.

"I'm so happy something good came out of that week at least," Joyce smiles.

"Me too," she answers. Jonathan and Will nods.

"And… we're so sorry about Barbara," Joyce continues.

"Thank you," she nods. Will looks pensive for a moment and then blurts out:

"I saw you in the woods."

"What?" She and Jonathan says at once. Will looks caught out for a moment.

"Um… that night when you were in the woods… I saw you…"

"When I crawled through the tree?"

"Yes…"

"You were there?" Jonathan sounds shaken by the thought that his little brother was so close yet so far away then.

"Yeah… I heard your voices and then I saw you… and the monster and the portal. I knew you wouldn't make it in time but I wanted to help so I distracted it… the Demogorgon…"

"That's why it didn't grab me… you saved me…" the realization that she was saved by both Jonathan and Will shakes her.

"Jonathan saved you…"

"You did too… thank you… thank you Will."

"Yes thank you…" Jonathan repeats. "You're so brave Will… why didn't you go through the portal too…?" He continues with hesitation.

"I tried too… I wasn't fast enough, it closed…"

"My brave boy," Joyce puts an arm around her youngest son. "At least you're all okay now, that's what matters."

They all nod in agreement. Joyce moves them past the tense subject by asking her about school. Will excuses himself to go to the bathroom. When he gets back she hugs him and thanks him again.

She and Jonathan tries to do the washing up after dinner but Joyce insists she takes care of it. She thanks Joyce again for dinner and tells her how great the house looks and then Jonathan and she ends up on the living room couch watching tv with Will kicking back in the loveseat. Chester comes up to her, curiously sniffs her hand and then jumps onto the couch and lays his head in her lap. She sits on the Byers couch, cuddled into Jonathan's side while he has his arm wrapped around her and she's petting his dog. She revels in how nice and comfortable and cozy it feels.

Later he walks her to her car.

"This was really nice."

"Yes."

"I love your family."

"They love you… Chester most of all maybe…"

She smiles and bumps his hip with hers.

"This has been the first good day of my life since…"

"Yeah… it's been the best day of my life."

She halts her step at that. She knows Jonathan, granted she's only really known him well for a limited time but that time has made her know him really really well. Well enough to know he chooses his words carefully and doesn't just say stuff like that without really meaning it. She thinks about what he said and realizes something.

"It's been the best day of my life too."

It really has been. She leans in and kisses him again.

He opens the car door for her which makes her blush. She has to kiss him again.

"Hey so… pick me up for school tomorrow?"

"Sure."

He kisses her again. The world feels alright.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where have you been?"

Crap. The moment she's inside the front door her mother is there giving her the third degree. In hindsight "borrowing" her mom's car when she was out taking Holly to the nearby park wasn't the smartest move maybe. And she probably should've called when she ended up staying for dinner with the Byers. Her mom's been really paranoid since that week. She can't blame her really, considering Will went missing, Barb disappeared, she snuck out to go to Steve's party and came home in tears, and then she and Mike both snuck out without telling their mom who didn't see them again until several days later with ambulances and feds around and with Mike in tears and she with a bandaged hand.

Under normal circumstances they would probably both have been grounded but given everything they went through their mom was lenient and settled for only enforcing a stricter curfew. A curfew that she kind of forgot about because for the weeks since she's had no interest in going out after dark, really she's just spent her time after school holed up in her room and either doing homework, crying over Barb or thinking about Jonathan. Glancing at her watch she sees that she technically didn't break the curfew tonight either but she can tell by the look on her mom's face that that doesn't matter much to her given the whole taking her car without asking thing.

She tries to think of a lie fast, lying's become second nature to her. Then it hits her. Why lie? She went to see Jonathan. Mom likes Jonathan, she knows that much. Any time Jonathan's come over to drop off or pick up Will she has always been very nice to Jonathan, and often remarked after what a "nice young man" he is. When she and Mike were younger and Mike first became friends with Will and their mom learned that Will had an older brother who was in her grade she had tried to steer Nancy towards Jonathan, wanting for them to become friends too. It hadn't really happened then, at that age she was pretty suspicious of all boys and preferred to just play with Barb, though she had always been at least nice and polite to Jonathan and talked a bit with him when he'd come around. She lied to her mom about Steve because she knew her mom wouldn't like Steve. But she already likes Jonathan, she will probably be thrilled to learn that he's her boyfriend now. So why lie?

"I went to see Jonathan. Sorry I took the car without asking."

"Jonathan? Oh…?"

"Yes, just to check in and um… well, he is my boyfriend now."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"I thought you didn't like Jonathan?" Mike has appeared in the doorway, shit-eating grin on his face.

"Shut up."

"Did you see Will?" He then asks in a different tone.

"Yeah, he's much better. He says hi and wanted me to tell you that he's coming back to school tomorrow."

"Oh, awesome."

"Yeah. If you stop being annoying you can ride with us to school, Jonathan's picking me up in the morning."

"Cool," Mike shrugs and goes down to the basement.

"Nancy, can I talk to you in the kitchen please?" Her mom asks. Uh oh. The kitchen is her mom's place for serious talks.

"I want you to be honest with me."

"Okay."

"So Jonathan is your boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"When did that happen?"

"Uh, today."

"Okay. Did anything happen during that week, when you were together looking for Will and Barb?"

She told her mom that after everything. Not any details as to what exactly she'd been up to, but she had to explain why she showed up at the hospital together with Jonathan.

"Um… some… things happened then. But not like… I mean with all that was going on it's not like anything even could have happened I mean… I started to like him a lot, then… and we talked today and… yeah we're together now."

"Okay. I'm glad. I like Jonathan, you know."

"I know."

"But was he who the sleeping bag on your floor was for?" Shit. Her mom is like a detective sometimes.

"Oh… um… well… yes. But we didn't do anything! I mean, hence the sleeping bag…" she hastily starts to answer, adjusting the truth just a smudge. They hadn't done stuff after all just… shared a bed. No need for her mom to know that though. "We'd been out in the woods looking for Will and Barb and it got late and he walked me home for safety, and I didn't want him to walk all the way home in the dark then so I invited him to stay over. On the floor."

"Okay. That's fine, Nancy, relax. You're not in trouble. But does this have anything to do with what that _Steve_ did?"

She kind of digs how her mom says Steve's name with almost a sneer, like he's something the cat dragged in. That's sort of how she feels about Steve too now. Her mom found out about the spray paint, of course she did, since the whole damn town saw it. She's dodged question after question about it since and managed to persuade her mom to not go over to the Harrington house and "give that little brat a piece of her mind". But she figures to hell with it now, going down the honest track has worked out so far.

"… _sort _of. I don't know what Steve thinks he saw, but he must've spied on us, like looked through my window and saw Jonathan in my room. But just that, really we didn't do anything then, we hadn't even kissed yet, I didn't kiss him until uh… um. Then Steve and his friends went out and sprayed that stuff all over town."

"I'd still like to give that boy a good talking to, I mean-"

"Mom no, I don't need you to fight my battles. Besides I've already fought that battle. I confronted him about it that day. I slapped him in the face."

"Good."

"Then Jonathan beat him up-"

"Even better!"

"Mom!" She's scandalized by how pleased her mom looks at the news that Jonathan beat up Steve.

"What? That prick deserved it, and I'm glad Jonathan stands up for you."

"It wasn't really about that though, mostly… I mean it was more because of a bunch of horrible stuff Steve spewed out about Jonathan and his family…"

"Either way, good. Frankly that spoiled brat probably needed a good whooping."

"… okay."

"He's not still bothering you, is he?"

"Not really. I kind of stay low at school."

"Alright. Well, you have to invite Jonathan over for dinner soon. Oh, how about tomorrow even?"

"Uh, sure I'll ask him…"

* * *

She had trouble sleeping, but for once not because of nightmares but because she couldn't stop thinking about Jonathan and how kissing him felt. She's been using the sweater he forgot in her room as a sleep shirt. It smells like him which has given her comfort during the nights. It's never felt cozier than now though when it reminds her that she'll soon see him and be near him for real and kiss him and hold his hand and hug him.

When she hears a car pull up outside she immediately gets up from the breakfast table. Mike flies up too and is even quicker than her though to peek out the window.

"They're here," he confirms and starts to walk towards the hall and she follows him.

"Uh-uh, dishes," their mother stops them with. Mike grumbles but she rolls his eyes at him instead and pulls on his arm. Just clear the table and be done with it quicker so they can go, for gods sake.

Her plan is to hurry out to the car with Mike in tow but just as she's picked up her bag there's a knock on the door. He came to the door. Oh.

She hurries to open it, and there he stands, smiling nervously at her. She can feel herself beaming at him.

"Hey."

"Hey…"

Should she kiss him now? She wants to kiss him. Before she can make her mind up, Mike cuts in. Oh right, Mike. She kind of forgot he existed.

"Where's Will?"

"In the car," Jonathan answers and Mike pushes past them.

"Thanks for picking me up. And him… sorry."

"Happy to… and it's fine, it's less awkward for Will then I think…"

"Hm, Mike's never been one to count on to make a situation _less_ awkward," she notes.

He smiles his crooked smile. Then she has to kiss him. She really, really can't get enough of that feeling.

"Hey you…"

"Whoa…" neither can he maybe.

"Oh good morning Jonathan!"

And there's her mother, of course. Jonathan hurries to take half a step away from her.

"Good morning Mrs. Wheeler," he politely answers.

"It's so nice to see you! Nancy told me about you two last night, I think it's so nice!"

"Oh, okay that's nice to hear. It's good to see you too Mrs. Wheeler."

"I'll tell you, I had my suspicions about you two after that week…"

"Oh…"

"Mom…"

"How's your mom? And Will, it's his first day back in school today?"

"Yes it is, he's much better thank you. Mom's doing good too, now that Will's better."

"That's great to hear, god I can't imagine how rough that week must've been for you all. Can't say enough how happy we were to hear that he was found after all."

"Yes, thank you. Oh, and mom wanted me to thank you for coming around then, and for the casserole. It was very nice of you."

"Oh, the least I could do. Hey, are you free tonight?"

"Um, yes…"

"You should stay for dinner then! It'd be so lovely to have you over."

"Oh," Jonathan glances quickly to her. She nods. "Yes, that sounds great, thank you."

"Great!"

"Mom we really need to go now."

"Right sweetie, I won't keep you any longer. Have a great day you two!"

"You too Mrs. Wheeler!"

"Bye mom…"

"Sorry about that," she mumbles to Jonathan as they walk to his car.

"What? Your mom is nice."

"Hm, yeah I guess she's alright… she really likes you by the way."

Jonathan smiles at that. He walks her to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for her which makes her blush, the old timey chivalry. She presses another kiss to his lips before she gets in. She glares at Mike who's rolling his eyes and says hello to Will. Once Jonathan has gotten behind the wheel, waved to her mom and pulled out from the curb Mike pipes up.

"Okay, a few ground rules. First off, you can't suck face in front of either me or Will."

"Screw you Mike."

"Second of all, you can't be gross in front of us."

"Shut up Mike, you're gross all the time."

"Third of all-"

"Third of all," she interrupts him. "You don't make the rules and you're lucky to even be in this car, don't make me get Jonathan to pull over so I can kick you to the curb," she bites off. She's not going to have this day ruined by her pissy little brother.

"How you've been?" She asks Jonathan.

"Since last night? Pretty alright," he smiles. "You?"

"Good, slept good. Better than… in a while."

"Good."

"So Will, you excited to be back?" She asks, looking in the rearview mirror at the backseat.

"I guess," the boy shrugs. "Just nervous, bet everyone will stare and stuff…"

Jonathan looks concerned, tightening his hands around the steering wheel.

"We'll have your back. And at least Troy's been keeping his distance from us ever since El made him wet his pants," Mike says. It's the first time she's heard him mention El since that week and it's with a soft chuckle in his voice at the memory. She notices his eyes flicker with sadness after though.

"By the way mom wanted Jonathan to stay for dinner tonight, I'm sure you can stay too if you want," she tells Will who nods.

* * *

Jonathan parks in the far corner of the parking lot. After Mike and Will has gotten out and walked over to the middle school, they remain in the car, finally alone.

"You ready for this? It's going to be…" Jonathan says.

"Yeah, I know," she nods. She knows they'll get looks and stares and people will whisper. About what a slut she is, what a freak he is. "I'm ready. I don't care what they think," she tells Jonathan. She really doesn't. For the most part. She at least doesn't give a shit what they think of Jonathan and her.

Jonathan nods.

"I just… they can think what they want. All I know is… I like you. I like that I can be myself around you. And that's what matters."

"I like you too," Jonathan quietly says. She smiles at that.

She takes his hand as they walk across the parking lot. His hand is big, it dwarves hers, and warm. She likes that.

God how people stares. Granted she feels like she's been eyed by the student body of Hawkins High a lot lately. The day after she slept with Steve, and word had spread from either him or Tommy and Carol, she could feel everyone looking funnily at her. And again her first day back at school after everything, after she and Jonathan fought a monster… and Steve told the whole town she's a slut, the latter of which of course was what the people at school knew about and was very invested in. She'd heard the whispers then, calling her a slut, wondering how she could cheat on Steve with Jonathan and all the other bullshit the rumor mill churns out. Just like she'd done the day when her sleeping with Steve got out she had ducked her head and tried to be invisible. Now walking hand in hand with Jonathan into school she keeps her head high. Because screw that, screw them all. Who cares what they all think? She doesn't like them anyway, she likes Jonathan and so she's glad to hold his hand.

At her locker he frowns at the "SLUT" scribbling in red marker on it but she just shrugs. It was there her first day back after everything happened, she washed it away but it was there again the next day. After washing it away three days in a row only for it to reappear each time she tired of it and just let it be. Just as she's gotten her books out and closed her locker again she hears one of her least favorite sounds in the world coming from behind her.

"Well well, look at this. Have the slut and the perv finally made it official?" Carol says in that tone full of condescension, mockery and venom.

"Shut up Carol," she sighs as she and Jonathan turns around to face her. Tommy and Steve is with her, of course.

"What, I'm just happy you're finally open and honest with your thing for perverted freaks," Carol throws back to laughter from Tommy and Steve. A crowd has started to form around them, people sure love their drama.

"You know I'm starting to think you hid your little brother away yourself just so you could get the pityfuck from Nancy," Steve directs at Jonathan who just eyes him with a stony gaze, obviously trying to keep his temper since they're at school.

"Screw you, Steve," she bites back instead.

"You've already done that, Nance," Steve shoots back with a self-serving smirk on his face. "Enjoy my sloppy seconds, Byers," he adds.

"Don't call her that," Jonathan mutters in a low and steely voice. His fist clenches. Which Steve seems to notice and he for sure recalls what happened last time he antagonized Jonathan because for a second she can see Steve's face falter and he seems to back down a little. Jonathan's kicked his ass before and they all know he can do it again.

"Just leave us alone," she says. She doesn't want another fight, especially not in school. But she also isn't just gonna stand here and be pushed around in front of everyone, so she can't help but get a dig in herself. "I don't care that you're obsessed with me or whatever Steve, I didn't want you then and I don't want you now, I want Jonathan."

She takes immense pleasure at the look on Steve's face as he searches for a comeback while looking around a bit distressed as the crowd mumbles. She can see more clearly than ever how status obsessed and shallow he is. She takes Jonathan's hand and pushes their way through the crowd before Steve can come back with anything, and heads for English.

"That was cool," Jonathan mumbles to her when they've gotten away and smiles his half-smile at her.

"Thanks," she answers and feels a slight blush rising over her cheeks just because Jonathan smiled at her and said she was cool.

* * *

"So, lunch…" she starts after two periods of stares and whispers.

"Yeah…"

"I don't want to go to the cafeteria with everyone… I wish we could be somewhere private."

"My car? That's where I usually have it…" he suggests.

"That's perfect!"

Until recently she had never thought about where Jonathan's had his lunches before. She always used to sit with Barb and Ally and her other friends, every day except for that dreadful day after Steve's party when Barb went missing, when she joined him at The Cool Table with Tommy and Carol. After that week she went back to her usual table even though it was weird. The other girls had a bunch of questions she didn't want to answer, and there was a big gaping hole where Barb used to sit. She had thought about Jonathan then and where he was since she never saw him in the cafeteria, the closest she ever came to doing so was, once again, that dreadful day, when she saw him through the doorway as he was walking past. They briefly made eye contact and already then she felt some kind of pull towards him, away from Steve and his cronies.

"That looks good," she points at the sandwich Jonathan's gotten out of his bag. "I get what Mike's on about now."

"What?"

"Your reputation precedes you, Jonathan," she smiles. At his confused look she explains. "Mike's been saying for years how he's jealous of Will because he has 'a cool big brother' while I am apparently lame, and one of your foremost qualities according to Mike is that you apparently make 'the best sandwiches' for the boys whenever they're over at your house. 'Better than mom's even' apparently. That's saying something."

"I don't know, it's just a sandwich. And I think the rule is that if a bunch of 12 year olds think you're either cool or lame, the reverse is probably the truth."

"Don't sell yourself short. And since when does Jonathan Byers care about rules?" She smirks.

"You're one to talk," he tosses back with a smile.

"Hey I'm not the one who was in handcuffs two weeks ago," she says, taking another bite of her sandwich,

"True but you were the one who said we should sneak into the police station to steal our weapons back."

"And you were the one who agreed and came with me," she smiles.

"Of course. Speaking of, you still have the gun right?"

"Yeah. You still have the bat?"

"Yeah."

"Good. We should be prepared if that thing comes back. Or if anything else happens."

"Yeah. The gate, to that place… it must still be open. I think about it sometimes… what if something else comes out of there?"

"Yeah," she nods. "Sometimes my nightmares are about just that," she confides in him after a moment.

"Sometimes…?" He softly prods.

"Other times it's about that monster… it taking Mike or… that we lose the fight, that it kills you and there's nothing I can do… most of the time though my nightmares are about Barb…" She elaborates. She wasn't planning on opening up about all this already right now, but Jonathan is so easy to talk too it just comes out.

"I'm sorry…"

"I hear her last words to me over and over… or her calling out for me, begging for help…"

"It's okay," Jonathan say and takes her hand in his.

"One night in the dream she was really angry with me. She shouted at me, 'It's all your fault!' over and over…"

"It's not. It's not your fault."

"It is though."

"There's nothing you could've done. I was out there and that thing was so fast I didn't even see it."

"I could've not dragged her to the party she didn't want to go to. I could've not peer-pressured her to shotgunning that stupid beer that she cut herself on, just because I wanted to fit in. I could've gone home with her instead of going with Steve."

"You couldn't know she'd stick around."

"I should've known, because that's who she was. She was a great friend. She was waiting for me, still looking out for me even when I'm a selfish jerk."

"You're not a selfish jerk. And you also didn't know what was out there or what attracted it. If you had been there it would've just taken you both," Jonathan says with emphasis. "It's not your fault. And you were a great friend too, why else would she wait for you? I know how you feel, this guilt. I felt so guilty about not being there when Will was taken. I picked up a shift so he was home alone. Mom's told me it's not my fault, that there wasn't anything I could've done. I still feel a bit guilty but I'm starting to see her point… we can't keep blaming ourselves for what happened when it was beyond our control."

"You don't know… Will came back" she mutters and it's much more mean than she meant. "Sorry, I'm so sorry, it's great that he came back, I'm so happy about that. I just mean… I get what you're trying to say but it's different… Will came back, Barb didn't. You weren't there because you did something good, you were working to bring in money for your family and you didn't do anything to put Will in that situation. I was just being a selfish jerk. And I put Barb there, I dragged her to the party, I gave her the knife. It is my fault. She would still be here if it wasn't for me."

Jonathan doesn't say anything. She worries she's screwed this up already too. Why is she like this? Jonathan's just being nice and supportive, why can't she just shut up and accept the support?

"You're right, it's different," he then says. She glances up at him as he continues. "But it's still not your fault. You didn't know about the monster, the blood and you didn't put Barb by the swimming pool by herself. And you're not a selfish jerk. That I know."

"You know that?"

"Yes. Remember that day, when Will was missing, I went to school to put up one of our Missing posters. You came up to talk to me. You said you were sorry, that it was all going to be okay and that everyone was thinking about me."

"Yeah?"

"You were lying about the last part. Pretty sure you were the only one in school who thought about me. At least you were the only person who came up to talk to me. Even though we weren't even… would you say we were friends, then?"

"I mean… sort of, I mean I always liked you… you were nice, when you actually said something. And I'd see you around because of Mike and Will… I know we didn't talk much but… yeah I would've called you a friend I think."

"Okay. So, you did that, you came up and offered your sympathies to me, your sort of friend you didn't even talk to much, just to be nice. Just because that's who you are. It was nice and selfless. And it meant the world."

She didn't realize that simple exchange meant so much to him. It seemed like such a small thing, the very least thing she could do… the right thing to do. Honestly she feels like she could've done so much more. Knowing it did some good to Jonathan makes her feel better. She scoots closer to him on the bench seat and puts her arms around him and hugs him close. He tenderly reciprocates. A few tears spill out.

"Thank you," she mumbles by his ear.

"Thank you," he mirrors.

"How are you doing? With it all…" she asks, pulling back slightly but staying in his arms. He's so great, so supportive, so caring of her. She really wants to be less selfish. She wants to take care of him too.

"I have nightmares too," he admits. "Of the monster taking you… of Will really being…"

She nods and hugs him again.

"Remember you can talk to me," she whispers in his ear. "Not just observe me," she adds without thinking, harking back to their conversation in the darkroom weeks ago. "Sorry, bad joke," she apologizes but he chuckles.

She wipes away the remnants of tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks. You're great," she tells him and squeezes his hand. "Wow sorry I didn't mean to… bring all that up now," she continues while checking her mascara in the rearview mirror.

"It's fine, I'm glad you did. Remember, you can talk to me," he mirrors her from before with a small smile.

"Yeah, I know. You're really great to talk to. So good I completely forgot about my original plan."

"Plan?"

"I wanted to be alone with you so we could talk a little, quickly eat and then make out," she admits with a blush.

"Well, we still have some time left…" he says after checking his watch, with just that hint of sass she's quickly found irresistible in him.

She gets closer to him again.

* * *

"Door stays open!"

Her mother's words, called out after them as they walk up the stairs, makes her roll her eyes and blush.

"So this is my room…" she starts when they step inside it and Jonathan looks around. Then she realizes. "… but you already knew that…"

Jonathan smiles.

"I like it."

"Thanks."

Jonathan stands in the middle of the room and looks around. For a second she doesn't know what to say, what to do. Should she just sit him down on the bed and start making out with him, which is kind of what she wants to do? Or is that too forward? Maybe she should think of a more natural lead in to it like "so this is my bed… it's good for making out on"… or something better than that. Then Jonathan fixes his gaze on something.

"Is that my sweater?"

"Oh…" she whips her head around to look behind her where he's looking, though she already knows what he's referring to.

The sweater he was wearing that day in the woods, that he later in the evening wrapped around her shoulders to offer her warmth and comfort, that he then forgot there the next day… she's not gotten around to returning it to him. Because it's been her one solace of comfort during the long sleepless nights she's had, unable to fall asleep at all with thoughts of Barb and monsters on her mind, or the nights she has actually fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion only to be wakened by nightmares. Should she tell him that his sweater has become her sleep shirt?

"Sorry I haven't given it back I forgot…" she starts.

"It's fine," he tells her and smiles warmly at her. Which prompts her to make her mind up and just be honest.

"Actually I didn't forget I just… um, it's really comfy and nice so uh, I've sort of been sleeping in it…"

"Oh…"

"But you can have it back! Sorry."

"No no, you keep it that's… that's nice."

"Thank you. And thank you for um… that night, when you gave it to me…" she tells him and hugs him.

"You're welcome," he mumbles into her hair while he hugs her back.

She's blissful and content to just stay in his arms, to be held by him. She always feels so safe when he holds her.

"Is that you as the Easter Bunny?"

Uh oh. Jonathan has continued to look around her room and now found the notice board full of photos and stuff.

"Uh, yeah," she blushes as they break apart a little. They step closer to the board. "Halloween two years ago…" she explains, looking at the photo of herself and Barb, who was dressed as a clown.

"You went as the Easter Bunny for Halloween? That's really… um, you look adorable," Jonathan says, now blushing himself.

"Thanks. Doesn't Barb look super scary as a clown though? It totally freaked Mike out," she giggles at the memory.

"Yeah," he chuckles.

For a second she just has the nice memory of Barb. But it quickly fades and she's left with the intrusive thoughts of Barb being gone, Barb alone screaming for her. Maybe Jonathan senses it because he does a wonderful job of quickly distracting her which she appreciates, she's already had a breakdown over Barb to him once today. Twice on their first day as a couple feels like a lot.

"That's even more adorable though," he says and points at the picture of herself at five years old with a tiara on her head. She always loved playing dress up.

"Shut up," she blushes. "Or else I'll ask your mom for baby pictures of you and then we'll see…"

"Noted," he smiles.

She walks over to her stereo and puts on some Blondie. Jonathan follows her and starts to explore her music collection.

"Don't judge me too much now."

"Hey no, I like Blondie."

"Good. I'm not sure this would work out otherwise," she jokes, gesturing between them.

"Toto, though?" Jonathan holds out another CD he found and scrunches his nose.

"Hey now there's nothing wrong with-" she starts, automatically going to defend the band, but on second thought she stops, because really she hasn't been able to listen to the single for a while now. It's kind of tainted in her memory, since it was to the tune of Africa that Steve tried to turn their study session into something else and she had to tell him "no" several times and push him away for him to get that she wasn't ready or in the mood. It's not Toto's fault but anytime she hears that song now that's all she can think of. "You know what, you might be right," she finishes.

"Hey no I was just kidding, I didn't mean to-"

"No I know, I'm just sort of sick of them. I need some new music."

"I could make you a tape? If you want, I mean…"

"I'd love that," she smiles. "What was it you were playing in the car? I liked that."

"New Order, I'll be sure to put that on there."

"Nice, thanks."

"So… um, what do you want to do?" Jonathan asks, looking around her room unsure.

That's her cue, she feels like. She knows what she wants. She takes him by the hand and leads him to her bed, sits him down and starts kissing him.

* * *

"So… does your dad like me?" Jonathan asks at the end of the night, standing on the porch with her after dinner.

"Yeah, of course!"

"He didn't talk to me…?"

"Oh, that's fine he barely talks at all so. Don't worry, you did great. Mom loves you. And Holly too," she smiles. Her baby sister had been very interested in Jonathan, who in turn was great at entertaining her. She noticed and she knows her mom noticed and liked Jonathan even more after that.

"She's cute," Jonathan smiles.

"You are too, you know," she tells him. He blushes. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he smiles and kisses her.


End file.
